except with tears of frustration and embarrassment.

I went to the auditors today, to drop off those documents to complete the audit for my company and found out that I have an outstanding amount due to our Tax Dept (equivalent to your IRS) of approximately $55 600 .

The reason - I was so busy feeding my gambling addiction that I neglected the real things in life like paying taxes in 2005.

Some of you at this point are wondering how on earth a person gets to this stage in the first place and secondly, how can a person even admit it publicly?

Well, as with any addiction, the first step you take is that you admit that you are powerless over the activity - so when I was in the height my compulsive gambling, money had no true meaning and value other than how long I could gamble for.

The public part - well, I found this journal extremely therapeutic and supportive in my journey to recover that not mentioning this update would only be lying to ME. Again, part of the recovery process, is complete and utter honesty at all times because when you are in the throes of the addiction, dishonesty, lying and deceitfulness are all part of the behaviour i.e. where you have been, what the money was used for, why you need to borrow more etc. etc. etc.

So here I am with another debt but this too shall be tackled and it too shall be dealt with one day at a time.

Grace and Blessings got me this far so they will keep me going.

I have a grace period before I have to start paying off the taxes which fortunately will give the time I need to earn commission.

I am so Blessed that I have a Sales Position that enables me to earn the kind of money I am going to need. I have to get it together by May 2008. I can't pay it off in small amounts - I have to save it and then make the full payment by the 31 May 2008.

So there will be a new category in my Control Panel called: Tax Liability which will in effect be a savings account to settle the $55 600. (OMG I am so overwhelmed at this stage and fighting to keep the tears at bay - what the hell was I thinking or rather NOT thinking).

I think I will now sleep on this and then tomorrow I'll get busy putting together a plan and strategy to get the money together.

It started with me oversleeping today and then to really put a spanner in the works, I remembered that I had to go to the office. (Usually I only go in 2 days a week and work from home for the rest of the week). Somehow managed to get myself dressed and help DD to dress (she hurt her hand) pack school bags, grab my briefcase and computer in 30 minutes. DD was on time for school but I was late. My commute is about 50 miles - 25 each way and the traffic was horrible today - it took me 65 mins to get to work.

I started with a really bad headache at about 09:30 and thought it may be because I hadn't had breakfast. So had some cereal but nothing happened so I took some painkillers.

Then just as I was getting through some of my backlog of admin, the IT technician arrived to configure my computer to link with the office network. A good thing when I am there because then I am not using my 3G card BUT...

I lost the document I was working on - I forgot to save it.

When I was about to start again, I sat down at my desk, picked up my tea and ... you guessed it - I dropped the whole mug of tea on myself. Fortunately, it wasn't boiling hot but my clothes, undies and everything were soaked through.

Packed up and headed home to dry clothes and hit a traffic backup because some idiot rolled his car on the freeway. Jeez I was so irritated...

Took me nearly 2.5 hours to get home and had to arrange for DD to be picked up from school by a friend.

I finally got home at 6:40pm

Bathed DD and put her to bed at 7:45pm (she had supper at her friends) and I decided the day was OVER OH SO OVER!!!!

So here I am safe in bed with my computer and journal and already feeling a lot better...

Here's to a great day tomorrow...

Why does the weekend go so fast - I love my weekends and when Sunday night comes I wish it were Friday again.

Oh well...

I managed to get a ton of stuff done:
- help DD with school project DONE
- laundry DONE
- tidy and organise my work area HALF DONE
- catchup on work that I have been putting off for ages DONE
- return clothes that I bought for DD that don't fit (and put some money into my wallet ) DONE
- return/renew library books NOPE
- do my expenses claim for work so that I can boost my debt payoff at the end of June NOPE
- take a box of goods to a charity shop DONE
- fetch my credit card (with my EMF in) from the bank and then freeze it in a bowl of water. Hope this will work. NOPE
- general mending DONE
- collect mail from Post Office box DONE

8/11 things done - not too bad.

Managed another no spend day today - Number 7 of 10. Only 3 to go now but I have found some things that I need already. Ran out of laundry detergent today so the last load of laundry didn't get done.

Found some loose change in my drawer $0.40 so added it to my $20 challenge.
Also, managed to bake today - so we have cookies for the week and that saved about $3. I sold my DD's old sports kit last week = $14.28 (the odd amount because of converting local currency to US $)= $17.68
Total: $189.53

Goals for the week ahead:
1. Finish tidying and organise my work area
2. return/renew library books
3. do my expenses claim for work so that I can boost my debt payoff at the end of June
4. fetch my credit card (with my EMF in) from the bank and then freeze it in a bowl of water. Hope this will work.
5. make a birthday gift for DD's best friend
6. return electric blanket that we bought on Saturday for a refund - it really is totally pathetic.
7. get 8 new client meetings setup
8. finish my training on a new product
9. make DD a tennis skirt/skorts
10. get the thermostat in the stove fixed
11. sort out a query I have on my telephone/ADSL account from my old house
12. finalise the liquidation of my business - I need to hand in some documents to the auditors.
13. return tights that I bought for myself - somehow managed to take the wrong size
14. get in another 3 no spend days by 31 May
15. finish painting the bathroom tile (do you remember this one from Feb 07 - well it still isn't finished)
16. exercise 3 - 4 times this week for a minimum of 20 mins each time
17. finish a shoe holder (the one you hang on the inside of the cuphoard door) - we are going to use this to hold bathroom lotions and potions etc.

Okay that's it - just typing the To Do list is making me feel weary.

Have a great week everyone... will check in again tomorrow

Have just finished paying all bills for the end of May and the debt balances are:

Start Debt: 7/12/06 Today: 5/26/2007
Home Remodeling: $345 PAID
CC1: $715 PAID
Timeshare Levy: $730 PAID AND SOLD
Bank Overdraft: $929 PAID
Loan from Dad: $857 PAID
Swimming Pool Renovation: $1429 PAID
Private School Fees for 2007: $3000 PAID IN FULL
Car Loan: $11073 Now $ 7103 (Miscalculated last time)
Bank Overdraft 2: $7000 PAID
CC2: $ 13716 Now $ 8603
CC3: $ 15918 Now 13439
HEL & Mortgage: $171 429 PAID AND SOLD

TOTAL DEBT: $236 978 Now: $29150

Paid $207 828

Geez at this rate of $1109 per month reduction in debt I still have another 26 months to go.

No way - this is way too slow. I have to find other ways to increase my debt payments.

I miscalculated the outstanding amount on my car so that is higher than the last report.

Also called to check all the interest rates on my outstanding loans and here it is:
Car Loan 12.8%
CC2: 19%
CC3: 20%

So I changed my priorities and paid extra into CC3 - no way are they going to get more money. I know this is not Dave Ramsey's way but when I saw just how much the interest was I was horrified.

$20 Challenge Account:
Added $16.86 to it = $171.85. I got this extra from a return today and emptied the change into my challenge wallet. I think I am going to need a new Washing Machine soon so this will go towards that.

DD and I have started a savings account for our holiday in October 2007. I just checked to see how we were doing: $146 and we need: $985. We have saved this in the past 6 weeks by putting her allowance in there and everytime we DON'T do take out/fast food we contribute. Oh and if I can make a gift we add another $7 instead of buying a gift.

One step at a time and no short cuts. I have to keep reminding myself that I didn't get into this mess overnight and I am not going to get out of it overnight.

I have to earn commission ++++++

Will check in again tomorrow.

Oh BTW - didn't manage a no spend day today - spent $40 on a new electric blanket for DD, a hot water bottle, hair gel, sodas.

Have managed 6 No Spend Days - Goal 10 so only 4 more to go.

This journal really really helps. I could have spent money yesterday when I went to fetch the balance of my meds (already paid for last week), but I thought no way - I want another no spend day.

Spent the day in bed today with a migraine and just slept and slept until DD was dropped off from school. That ended the recuperation - supper to be made, laundry to be started for the week and the kitchen to be cleaned. Now I am ready for bed again and hoping that my headache will be completely gone in the morning.

I have so much to do this weekend and want to do it without spending anything:
- help DD with school project
- laundry
- tidy and organise my work area
- catchup on work that I have been putting off for ages
- return clothes that I bought for DD that don't fit (and put some money into my wallet )
- return/renew library books
- do my expenses claim for work so that I can boost my debt payoff at the end of June
- take a box of goods to a charity shop
- fetch my credit card (with my EMF in) from the bank and then freeze it in a bowl of water. Hope this will work.
- general mending
- collect mail from Post Office box

A busy busy weekend ahead - hopefully I will feel a lot better tomorrow and be able to breeze through everything.

Still waiting for my salary - it always seems to be delayed when I want to pay off extra debt. But I got a refund of $83 unexpectedly so my bank balance is still in credit at $167 - this hasn't happened in years.

Will apply this extra money to my car payment - I really want to get rid of another debt.

Well I am off to bed now and will check in again on Sunday to let you know if I managed to clear my To Do List.

Take care everyone and stay focused...

I know I can, I know I can etc etc etc.

Maybe if I say this often enough the blah days will be seen as merely part of the journey to Debt Freedom.

Managed another No Spend Day = 3 for the month. Goal: 10 before the end of the month and there are only 7 days to go. Hmmm this is going to be challenge.

Had a good day yesterday - got through more work than usual and managed to get some appts with Senior Execs in my client base.

Worked out that I can pay off my debt if I just close a couple of big deals.

Realised that I forgot to submit my expense claims for April/May which is also why the bank balances are a bit low BUT still in credit. Don't know how much I am owed but it will make a difference to the debt balances - will work it out later and let you know.

The electrician didn't come yesterday but not for lack of trying. His car broke down and he called several times to let me know that he was trying but not getting anywhere. I felt so bad for him.

It is freezing here at the moment - literally. It was 33F = 0c yesterday when I dropped off DD at school. We are so ill equipped for low temps in SA - our homes are not centrally heated so the best place to be in winter is in bed. Wish that was possible but life's demands continue regardless of the weather.

Amazing in summer we die of heat because again we don't have airconditioned homes - from one extreme to the other.

Well back to work - I have some commission to earn

Even though I have made huge progress on my debt repayments, I feel so blah...

Just checked my spending for May and it is so disappointing - I really went overboard. Spent $995 on:
Clothes - stupid when I can make them AND I bought a new sewing machine
Groceries - so many treats and although it has been nice it is such a waste and adds up so quickly
School Uniforms - DD really needed them but $250 is ridiculous
Take Out - $45 or more. I think there are some receipts that are missing.
Gas - geez this just gets more and more expensive
Medicines - still haven't sorted out medical insurance so I am paying cash for all our scripts.

Fetched DD from school/aftercare today and suddenly realised that winter has arrived with avengence and that she needed a warm jacket. So off to the mall . Fortunately though I had a return so we got a credit for $7 and the jacket was on special for $10 - so I only spent $3.

Also needed to fetch my monthly meds and get some new makeup (haven't bought makeup for at least a year) so $54 later, we left the mall.

I have now decided that's it!!! When we got home, I took all the money out of my wallet except for $10 and put away the Bank ATM cards (we don't have CC anymore - they were cut up last year).

I have also been so irritated - the stove/oven in the apartment we are renting hasn't been working properly so everything I have baked, either burned at the bottom or was raw on the inside. Think this hasn't helped my frame of mind, as I am used to cooking and baking in bulk and lately, we have had to cook everyday and cookies have been store bought.

This frugal way of life is definitely a mindset - I have found that when I am not doing EVERYTHING frugally, I get lazy in every other area.

Anyway, the electrician is coming to fix the thermostat tomorrow so hopefully this time tomorrow night, I will be back to baking and bulk cooking.

I managed a second "no-spend" day yesterday for May - but only because I was too lazy to go out and it was warmer inside.

We get paid on the 25 of the month in South Africa so I really need to get working on my budget and see how much debt we can pay.

My DB1 is still having a tough time so I am contributing to his rent (cannot live knowing that he might be living on the streets) which means another budget item of $120 but at least he is warm and safe.

Work wise - I just don't seem to be able to get going. The joys of being in sales - the highs are high and the lows are low. I sit down at my desk and just can't seem to get much done so at the end of the day although I have been "working" I have not done anything productive.

Sorry for the blahs - but I really needed to wade through and capture my thoughts.

Maybe I am just tired and need to stop being so tough on myself.

Hope you are all well

now that I have resurrected this journal, I don't want to spend.

Fetched car today - it is nearly 7 months since I had an oil change done and a proper service and tune up. Ended up paying $250 but it was budgeted and it had to happen.

Also, needed to have my hair cut - it has been 9 months since my last cut and I was not happy with the shaggy untidy look. Spent $36 but also budgeted.

Was asked by DD's friends mother to embroider some T-shirts for a special occasion - thought to myself "here we go with the $20 Challenge"

Bought 8 Tshirts for $23, will embroider them and get $40 back - so will have another $17 to the challenge account and deduct $17 off the price of my sewing machine.

This blogging/journal really makes you think differently and be aware of every cent you spend.

Didn't even buy water today while I was out on errands.

Hung my new bathroom curtains today (the ones I made from old curtains) and considering they cost nothing - they are beauuuuuuutiful.

While I was at the shops today getting the T-shirts I noticed yet again "all the stuff that is available for us consumers to buy". It is no wonder that we all get into debt - it always looks so great in the store and then when you get it home, you wonder

When we moved, I couldn't believe the amount of useless stuff I had collected over the 5 years in the house. I gave so much away and found myself wondering what on earth had possessed me to buy it all in the first place.

Oh well we live and learn...

Would really like to get some no spend days in before the end of the month. Think I can still manage 10 if I am really disciplined. Will have to plan an errands day to make sure that we don't run out of anything. Need to put gas in the car - should be about $50 but will last until the end of the month. Also, need to stock up on some fruit and fresh vegies.

I am off to a parents evening at the school now, the Education Department has introduced yet another teaching system and school has to update the parents. Geez I hate these things - would rather be home getting stuff done.

See ya tomorrow...

Why does time go so fast - it seems just the other day that I unretired my blog and now it is already a week later.

Okay here are my debt balances:
Start Debt: 7/12/06 Today: 5/16/2007
Home Remodeling: $345 PAID
CC1: $715 PAID
Timeshare Levy: $730 PAID AND SOLD
Bank Overdraft: $929 PAID
Loan from Dad: $857 PAID
Swimming Pool Renovation: $1429 PAID
Private School Fees for 2007: $3000 PAID IN FULL
Car Loan: $11073 Now $ 6997
Bank Overdraft 2: $7000 PAID
CC2: $ 13716 Now $ 9203
CC3: $ 15918 Now 14 059
HEL & Mortgage: $171 429 PAID AND SOLD

TOTAL DEBT: $236 978 Now: $30 259

Paid $206 719

Hahahahaha - Can you believe it :0

I can't!!!!

But here is the downside - I no longer own a property so don't have a property which is appreciating in value.

I have decided ala Dave Ramsey that I am going to finish paying off my debt and then save like crazy so that I can either pay cash for a new home (don't want a big house again, an apartment is fine by me) or put 50% down and get a mortgage for the balance.

My EMF is established - I kept some of the money from the house and have $9425 saved.

Also, bought a new sewing machine - just decided that we have made so many sacrifices to get this far that I could treat myself. (I know a good excuse )
Spent $ 3425 for a new machine and embroidery unit.

When I buy a sewing machine, I keep a log of everything that I make and the savings and make sure that the machine pays for itself. My old machine paid for itself 3.2 times.

Have already saved $68 by making curtains, altering clothes for DD and making a new bathroom set.

Will keep a log here and show how it works.

BTW my banking accounts actually have a credit balance for the first time since I don't know when - $142 in Acc 1 and $214 in Acc 2.

Am really enjoying my life again - it is so nice not to have worry about maintaining a huge property, pay an enormous mortgage and all the taxes that go with it.

Have also managed to buy DD new school uniforms, replace school bags and new sports uniforms.

The way I figure it now, is that we can now get back to being really frugal and get rid of the last debt and then go crazy with our savings account.

The $20 Challenge - will make this a real account now and save leftover amounts from our monthly budget and any refunds etc.

Working full time now and back in corporate life has its own challenges and has demanded more adjustments. At least I earn a regular salary now and have a high earning potential through commission. My business expenses are covered which is also great incl cell phone, internet connection, gas for car and a contribution for car servicing.

I am a happy happy camper - I love my life and am really pleased that we made all the changes.

Will end off now - have really had a long ramble...

Took a while to find my blog - it was in the "Retired Blogs" but here I am almost 2 months to the day of our move and my last entry.

So much has changed... for the better I love living in an apartment - it is so easy. No garden, pets, swimming pool, security costs etc.

My goal was to get our monthly living budget to $1800 per month and I haven't managed it yet. Still paying off debt but making huge progress now that my house in sold and I have been paid.

My recovery hit a bump - I know, I was weak and silly but I am back on track again and not too much damage done. This journal makes such a difference to keeping me focused and sticking to my gambling free days. So here I go again - Day 2.

Finally got my sewing room sorted out 2 weeks ago and was able to spend some time in there yesterday evening. What I have realised is that importance of having goals, hobbies etc is vital when on the road to recovery from an addiction. Oh well...

I have to fetch my daughter from aftercare now so I will update my debt balances later or tomorrow

But it is great to be back and I look forward to reading everyone's blogs.

Have a good day

I never never never want to move again - but I guess that is what we all say until next time.

Thank goodness for my kind and giving aunt - she paid for the movers. They managed to move 74 boxes, all our furniture, appliances and odds & ends within 1.5 hours from the time they arrived at the house to the time they left the apartment.

I must admit though they took several shortcuts which I only discovered later - they moved the dishwasher with a full load, the freezer was still packed and the fridge was not empty (they did take the liquids out.

I only remembered the dishwasher was full later during the day - I held my breathe as I opened up the door, expecting to see pieces of crockery and shards of glass everywhere but... I think the angels must have kept it all safe. Nothing and I mean nothing broken AND we had everything we needed to make supper on the first night. Hahahahahaha...

We are still tripping over boxes but I have to be patient - we only moved on the 10th March and already most of the cuphoards are sorted out.
Being at work full time is a huge adjustment - when I worked from home I was able to fit errands in, do little chores, there was not travel time to work etc. Amazing how much I took for granted BUT I must say I love what I am doing and it is great to earn a regular income again.

Still waiting for the "transfer of the deeds of house to the new owner" and then I promise I will update the debt balances.

Will check in again tomorrow...

Why is it that just when I really want to get blogging there are a hundred gazillion bazillion things that need to be done and not enough time to do it all.

I only have 4 days till the move - from a 4 bedroom house to a 3 bedroom apartment (with no garage space) and feeling really and truly time pressured.

I got a full salary at the end of Feb - the first time since August/Sept (can't remember) and it was so nice to be able to get a proper budget together versus struggling to get food, pay utilities, fuel etc.

The NSD - No Spend Days have become a goal and a way of life but the $20 Challenge is being neglected due to the time constraints.

Decided I could achieve more if I just didn't go to the shops so, yes my grocery cuphoards are nearly bare and I am having to go to the store today.

BTW I am visiting the USA for 6 days this month and can't wait. 21 hours flying time though which is a huge dampener but I am looking forward to it none the same.

Oh now the challenge will be to not spend money while I am there - you have such great goodies and gadgets sigh....

Thanks for all the welcome back notes

I couldn't wait to get to do my entry today... and share with you my current challenge.

As I mentioned before we are moving into a rental next month on the 17 March, and I really want the apartment to look nice so that the adjustment is not too much of a shock to our system.

But due to lack of funds (still short until my first full paycheck and the house closes) I have created a fun challenge of redecorating without spending ANY money.

My garage is full of DIY stuff that I have accummulated over the years and because we won't have space to store it I either have to use it or turf it.

DD Bedroom: DD desperately wants a pink bedroom (hmmm wonder how long this will last but oh well...)
- found some pale pink paint and am painting the furniture (started the first coat on the bed today)
- linen - into the fabric stash
- cushions - again into the fabric stash and craft cuphoard

Bathroom: found paint that I can use to paint the bathroom tiles (they are blue and black -yuck) so I can paint them white
- accessories - have made bathroom sets using fabric stash

Kitchen - using the same white paint to paint tiles and cuphoards.
- also found some aqua blue and aqua green paint which I will use to contrast some of the tiles
- will make blinds and new dish towels

Will also update debt balances tomorrow or later today...

Wow I can't believe it is so long since my last entry but so much has happened and there have been many many changes.

I finally decided to:

1. Sell my house
2. Close my business and get a full time position
3. Let my housekeeper go and put my DD into aftercare at school
4. Find a rental in the area so that we can become debt free and save save
5. Set a goal to live on $1720 per month

So far I have managed to:
1. Sell my house - just waiting for the final closing
2. Business: handed in the final books & documents for audit
- started a full time position since the 15 January
(so now I have a regular income - whoopee)
3. Found my housekeeper new employment and moved her to her new employer
- DD into aftercare and thank goodness she is loving it. She says that at least she has playmates everyday after school
4. Found the rental and move on the 17 March - rental only $585 versus the $1715 mortgage payment I have had to make
5. The monthly budget - this will really kick in when I get paid out for my house and I can settle debts but in the meantime, I have reduced my monthly costs considerably.

Look forward to hearing from everyone.

It is great to be back

I have been so busy trying to get through my list of To Do's for September that I haven't had time to spend updating my journal..

Progress so far:
1. Company Audit - prepare, organise and file documents for audit DONE
2. Sewing Order - finish 15 children's chefs jackets (for a Restaurant Chain doing an in house promotion) DONE
3. Garage Sale - go through cubhoards for extra curtains, cushions etc and add to garage sale. Finish this by the end of September and then donate whatever is left to charity
4. Dog's Kennel - clean out and put in new bedding DONE
5. Personal filing - my in tray is FULL and I need to file all my statements, invoices etc DONE
6. Achieve 15 no spend days during September DONE
7. Car inspection for new car insurance
8. Accreditation on new product that I sell
9. Spend 15 minutes everyday sorting out or tidying up around the house
10. Library books - get them back on time so I don't have to pay a fine DONE
11. Vacation - need to confirm our booking for 7 days in October (using Dad's timeshare) DONE
12. Evaluate new business oppportunity - training & development for Hospitality Industry DONE
13. Oil Change on car
14. Wall hanging - finished but not mounted on a rod yet DONE
15. Fetch new Passport & apply for DD's passport
16. TV support in sewing room - move it lower DONE
17. Bedroom curtains - need to shorten (they have been too long since I moved to this house nearly 5 years ago) *sigh*
18. Utilities - refund due from overcharge
19. Make blinds for dressing room
20. Move furniture to make space for Mom's Kist and Great Grandmothers original treadle sewing machine DONE
21. VCR for repair on extended warrantee contract
22. Wall Safe (Lock Box) need to install and fix to the wall DONE
22. Medical Insurance - sort this out once and for all
23. Weightloss - get focused and lose 6.5 - 10 pounds by the 30 September
24. Spending log - make sure everything I spend is logged
25. Look for ways to increase the $20 challenge to $200
- Have grown seeds into seedlings for our vegie garden and am now just waiting for them to be a bit bigger before we transplant them into the garden
- Made 3 birthday presents for DD's friends saved $21.48
- Printed off Greeting cards for DD's friends saved $4.50
- Saved $7.71 on specials during Grocerie shopping
- Took my own bags to store instead of buying new ones saved $0.28
- Had the family around for Sunday morning tea instead of lunch saved $11
- Reduced the time for the swimming pool pump to run by 3 hours per day
- Have started switching off power at the wall instead of leaving appliances on standby

$20 Challenge
Managed to save $44.97
New total $154.99

Weightloss
Still haven't lost any more weight - just my 3 lbs but then I haven't been that focused on this.

Career Challenges:
I am at a cross roads with my current sales position:- my clients are just not making decisions as quickly as they used too, because the product I sell is imported it is subject to price fluctuations and at the moment our currency is weak so the prices are rather high.

I am seriously thinking about going freelance for a couple of years and am exploring the following options:
- Sales mentoring and coaching
- Adding 2 new products to my current offerings, Basic Selling Skills and Telesales Skills
- Selling restaurant franchises and doing their resales
- Providing training in the Hospitality industry

At the moment, because I am not making my sales targets I am not earning what I need to make month end payments never mind paying off debt so... I need to look at other revenue opportunities.

I am hoping to have some answers by the end of the week or should I say I want to make my decision by 30 September.

General:

Summer has arrived and it is wonderful to see everything growing again and the grass turning green. Wearing summmer clothes is so much better and more fun but...

DD has outgrown just about all her summer clothes except for a couple of sundresses I made at the end of last season so I start sewing for her again this week.

DB - has discharged himself from hospital again and refused to take the accommodation at the half way house. Although it is hard, I am realising that there is little I can do if he doesn't play his part. Prayer is the only thing I am able to do at this stage.

EMF - no progress here as I have had no income over the past couple of weeks and have been using what we have to buy the necessities and keep going.

Other than that I am having fun getting through my To Do list and can see a huge improvement in the organisation of my home. Also, noticed that the more I do the more I feel like doing.

BTW - a couple of you have left comments about wanting to learn to sew so I did some surfing to see what I could find to get you going:

www.berninausa.com - has some free projects at all levels

www.sewing.org - also have free projects at all levels.

You can also do a search with Yahoo using "sewing crafts" as your search criteria and there are lots of web pages.

www.sewyoungsewfun.com - a great beginners website

www.make-stuff.com - a fun website

www.quiltersnewsnetwork.com (my favourite) - always something new for beginners and more advanced projects

Then lastly, most of the sewing machine manufactures have their own webpages and have free projects plus some even have courses which you could attend.

So have fun searching...

If anyone needs help - I will try to get answers for you or try explain - sewing is one of the most rewarding hobbies and great Occupational Therapy for Stress.

Christmas:
Only 91 days to (sorry to remind you all) - have decided that it is time to make up my Gift list as I try to make most of our gifts.

My usual list of gifts includes:
Placemats
Tablecloths
Kids clothes
Dolls clothes
Barbie Clothes
Decoupage items - trays, placemats, pen holders
Baskets with soaps, creams, lotions etc or deli items that are treats for some people

As income is under pressure this year I am going to have to dive into my stash of craft supplies and sewing supplies and see what I can come up with

Will check in tomorrow

Woke up early yesterday morning, Saturday and decided it would be a good day to get going on my To Do list so...

1. Sorted and tidied all DD's toys - labelled the containers and told her that she could now read so there was no excuse LOL
2. Moved furniture around for Mom's kist (now to pluck up the courage to go through it - it is the last of her things that I have to sort through AND 2.5 years later I just haven't had the courage *sigh*)
3. Moved a small desk into my sewing room and set it up for DD with her sewing machine (my Mom's small Elna which is perfect to learn on).
We are going to start with very small hand sewn projects - so every Saturday we are going to have sewing lessons together
4. Painted a cuphoard for DD's room so that she has more storage space for her toys.
5. Tidied office

Now the challenge:
Everytime I move cuphoards and furniture around, I have to move the contents too - so now I have stuff to find a new home for - will try to do a some everyday.

Feeling quite happy that I had a productive weekend which will hopefully lead into a productive week.

2 more No Spend Days = 11 days for the month.

See ya soon

I said I would update my debt balances today so here goes:

Start Debt 7/12/06: Now 9/4/06
Home Remodeling: $345 PAID
CC1: $715 : Now $692
Timeshare Levy: $730; PAID
Bank Overdraft: $929; $920
Loan from Dad: $857: Now $541
Swimming Pool Renovation: $1429; Now $1429
Private School Fees: $1219; Now $680
Car Loan: $11073; Now $10 190
Bank Overdraft 2: $7000; Now $6786
CC2: $13716; Now $13007
CC3: $15918; Now $15 497
HEL & Mortgage: $171 429 Now: $170 143

TOTAL DEBT: $225 360; Now $219 885

Paid: $5 475 since the 12 July 2006

A small reduction since the 4 Sept BUT I am still waiting for business expenses to be reimbursed - which is $940 and which will be used to reduce CC1 again. I had to use it to pay for groceries because I have been out of pocket for my expenses.

ACHIEVED ANOTHER MILESTONE:
Went to the theatre last night (it was my treat) but had forgotten that the theatre was at the Casino Complex I used to frequent.

Said many prayers before I left home BUT still went although I was quite nervous. At the end of the performance I just kept walking with my friends to my car and didn't even look into the casino area. I was so tempted for a minutes BUT somehow I DID IT!!!!!!

This is the first time in about 6 years that I have been there and haven't gambled - I am so excited and grateful - this is a huge milestone for me BUT I also know that I can't let my guard down.

$20 Challenge: DD had another Birthday party to go to today - so I got her to do a picture for the Greeting Card and printed off a homemade card as well = $1.50 saved.

Spent today:
1. DD Friend birthday present $8.50
2. Battery for step counter $2.84
3. Store: $3.86
4. DD got tuck money today $2 plus Cake & Candy sale $1
5. DD Allowance $3

WEIGHTLOSS PROGRESS:
Weighed in yesterday morning - lost 3lbs whoopee - think it is all the water - I feel like everytime I look it is time for another glass of water.
Think DD has also lost a couple of lbs - she is about 8lbs over for her height and I have just made her eat what I am eating without making an issue of it. Told DD that for the next 8 weeks we and going to be SUPER healthy and she thinks it is great.

DB 2:
Was admitted to hospital 2 days ago for treatment...
He has been sedated to halt the manic phase he has been in for the past 4 weeks and sounds very drugged BUT at least he is off the streets and getting medical care.

TO DO LIST FOR SEPTEMBER:
1. Making progress here but am still busy trying to finish those 15 chefs jackets.
2. Have planted seeds for the vegie garden and they have starting shooting so soon we will be able to transplant them.
3. 9 No Spend Days - goal 15
4. Library Books returned but still paid $3 fine for being late *sigh* - why can't I get this right.
5. Weightloss -lost 3lbs Goal - 10 lbs
6. Spending log updated everyday

BTW - achieved 221 days of No Gambling today

See you tomorrow

I received an email this morning about "setting a plan in motion" and the continuous dedication, hard work and the overcoming of obstacles to achieve your goals.

Thought about it and decided to include my thoughts in my journal entry today.

As each debt reduces and hopefully my weight does too, it doesn't matter how small the progress is as long as we are getting closer to the goal.

If I think about the "easy buys" (pre cooked meals, snacks, sodas etc) that I have NOT purchased over the past couple of months I realise that these small amounts contribute to increasing debt payments and they really add up if we are not constantly on guard.

My constant challenge is DD and her wanting to spend on these "easy buys" - there are times when we are in the store that I have to say: "If you don't stop nagging I will do the shopping on my own".

Yesterday, DD wanted to go shopping - for what I am still not sure but when I say no we didn't need anything she answered: "But Mom I want to buy something nice for me and you" - good try DD

On a larger scale, I have just had such a fight with CC2 company - let me explain:
In April they handed over the debt to lawyers aka collection agents because I had not been making the minimum payment.
They set the payment at $930 per month without talking to me and although I have tried to do it, some months it just hasn't been possible.
During those months I still made payments though.
This morning I was notified that they would be proceeding with legal action - so I called and explained that I was still making payments and NEEDED them to decrease the minium payment. The CC company of course refused, then I called the collection agents and told them all I needed was a lower payment and couldn't they see that I was trying.
"Oh we can see you are making payments, but you are in arrears and we need you to catchup" Duh - I know I am in arrears, but I want a lower payment amount that fits into my budget but at the same time shows you that I am serious about paying off this debt.

Jeez, these people are pathetic!!!! Anyway after losing it completely, they agreed to reduce the payment to $645 per month starting on the 30 September.

Why did I have to lose it before they would listen?

It makes me so mad, when I am trying to put past wrongs right and no-one will work with me - Dave Ramsey always says these people are scum well now I have had a local example of their methods of working and trying to get money.

I WANT to pay them back and they just don't seem to get it.

Anyway, at least I made some small progress again - a lower payment that fits into my budget AND legal action prevented.

Patience patience... small steps... hmmm...

Thank you for the kind responses of support regarding my DB2 - I was just so worried and upset about the whole thing.

At least now, we have made some progress - DB2 let me know today that he was admitted for stabilising at the hospital and is waiting for his lithium levels to settle.

Once that happens, the arrangements for him to go to the halfway house will be finalised.

I am so Thankful that he is at least off the streets - an answer to all our prayers.

Now I need to get some focus again, as I think I will need to include some financial support in my budget for him.

Believe it or not, even with all this drama going on I was able to get another 2 No Spend Days in and stay on track with spending.

I have paid some more debt off and will update these totals on the 15 Sept.

Also, decided that I need to start working on my September To Do list and have finished one of them and working on a second.

I weighed myself this morning - Holy Moly where did all the extra pounds come from? So have started on that goal too -need to lose 34 lbs and want to do it by Christmas (just to put it all on again????).

Why is it that when we decide to lose weight, we are hungry all the time - this is the part that I really don't like. First day = constant hunger and so much frickin' water to drink.

Will check in again tomorrow...

we love them, we hate them but what would we do without them.

I have a brother (DB1) with bi polar disorder, who has just opted out of life (the way we know it) - we have just found out that he has been living on the streets for 4 weeks. Oh this is so distressing, I feel like my heart is going to break and so helpless but at the same time, know that there is little or nothing I can do.

My other brother (DB2) went to try and help him and managed to get some outpatient treatment for him and "sheltered accommodation". At least he has a bedroom to go to everynight and DB1 feels content to roam around and return every night to this room to sleep, eat & shower.

As I write this all down, I am sobbing my heart out - it is so hard to reconcile the brother I know with this one who has just opted out and basically drifting through the days.

I wish I could help him and take away all the problems and get him back BUT he says that he is happy.

I can't carryon with this entry now... will try again later.

and get a few things but I know when I get there there will be a "few more things and before I know it the cart will be full".

So as I gaze into my nearly depleted pantry, I think about how the no spend days really make a difference to the amount of money you spend *sigh*

And then I see the 4 boxes of macaroni and a packet of pasta and wonder what on earth I can make that is healthy (DD needs vegetables) and different (not mac & cheese).

Then a trip to the freezer and guess what we have a chicken left - problem solved: Roast chicken, potatoes and vegetables yummy....

So yet again the store trip is postponed - wonder how many more days I can go without shopping?

Will need to check the bread & milk levels (I buy in bulk and freeze) - that usually determines when I need to go to the store. Just checked about another 3 days worth - so Sunday I will be doing the shopping.

BTW my Dad has invited myself and DB out for dinner tonight - amazing how much we appreciate all the treats when paying down debt is the goal.

I have been so slack this month - haven't even started on my list of September goals. Looked at it the other night for 2 seconds and then carried on reading everyone elses journals... these journals are addictive. I seem to spend more time here than anywhere else but it so good to know that there is a group of us working towards the same goal

FINANCIAL FREEDOM AND INDEPENDENCE

now whose journal can I read next ...

Friends of mine are going to a theatre production on the 16 September and they managed to get a block booking for a group of 20 at a discount. Decided that I needed a treat so I spent $13 on a ticket and can't wait.

Worked flat out today and feel really tired tonight.

Other than my theatre ticket I had a no spend day and I am counting it as a no spend day BECAUSE this is for me and no-one else. Actually the cost was covered by some more stuff sold over the weekend.

Was treated to lunch by a client, which was yummy but did nothing to help the weightloss.

Goodnews: I have been asked to do some mystery shopping at a restaurant chain - they have 22 restaurants and want 7 done a month. They are paying $30 per shop plus $15 food voucher PLUS they are paying for mileage to the restaurants.

I will put this money towards CC1 as I really want to pay off another debt completely by the end of September.

*Frustrated sigh* - my business expenses have not been reimbursed yet and it is about $1200 which will go a long way to reducing my debt and replacing my expense float.

Got home late from work and was really really really tempted to do the take out thing but thank goodness I had home made frozen meals at hand - so that saved about $15.

DD started school today - yeah! she was so bored after 5 weeks at home. I don't know how you guys & gals manage to have the children out of school for 3 months.
BUT it also means that there is homework to do regardless of how tired we both are. Being the first day, there was only some reading with the option of doing the rest tomorrow and Thursday for a quizz on Friday.

Overall a good day... see ya tomorrow

What do you do about friends who are well intentioned but end up costing you money?

Let me explain, DD has been on school vacation and her friend invited her to go bowling - I let her go without thinking about what it would cost - my fault I know.

When they got back, DD's friends mother says "that was great fun and it only cost $8 each and then we went for lunch, but you can give me the money next time I see you".

Huh??? DD was invited and in my book that means she was treated to the outing.

Today she went to play at the same friends house, and when I collected her realised I didn't have my purse with me so I couldn't pay the money but then...(wait for it)

DD's friends mother says "we are going to a fund raiser tomorrow and we want DD to join us". This time I wasn't slow and replied "no sorry, we are going to church and any case that kind of outing is not in our budget this month".

"Oh but we won't spend much...etc etc" - yeah right, I can just imagine. DD's friend tends to be spoilt - today her mother spent $90 on candy, party treats etc for her birthday and that excludes the Birthday Cake, Presents, drinks and so on.

Have I got this wrong or I am imagining things...

Weird if you ask me.

Oh well we live and learn but now I have to take money out of some other budget category to pay DD's friends mother back.
Urrgh......I am so irritated!

I thought today would be a no spend day - forgot that DD had a Birthday party to go to and I hadn't bought a gift or made anything. Decided to give her some money to spend rather than rush out and buy junk. $7 - an odd amount I know but I convert all our local currencies into USD so that it is easier for you to relate to.

As I was giving out money I gave DD her allowance $3 and I am hoping that is all the money I have to part with until Monday.

Sold some more stuff yesterday - another $19.29 to EMF
New Total: $258.29

Also got DD to make a Birthday Greeting card for her friend so I will add another $1 to the $20 challenge = $46.86

Just checking my diary and see that I achieved 15 NO SPEND days - really happy about that. New Challenge - need to try to get them to be consecutive but either way I'll take them.

Will update my debt balances as soon as all automatic debits go off my checking account.

BTW haven't done a thing off my To Do List for September - tommorrow ... *sigh*

Decided it was time to compare the Dave Ramsay Get out of Debt Plan with the Debt into Wealth Plan.

I paid for the The Debt into Wealth Plan about 4 years ago and used it for a while and then just stopped.

Entered all my debts and setup a monthly budget and...
1. The order to pay off the debts alter significantly from Dave's plan
2. The interest rates and length of loan/debt period are all calculated so that you can see how much you are actually saving i.e. in interest
3. At the end of paying off each debt, you can choose to use your accelerator (snowball) to have some fun and celebrate or just keep going. Hmmm... somewhere in here there has to be a balance. Really like the idea of a treat at the end of each debt payoff - also gives DD something to look forward to.
4. Helps you calculate the payoff date for your mortgage - now that I really liked. These vague numbers i.e. about 4 years drive me insane - I like to know exactly how much by when.
5. Everything is automated so everytime you save on the monthly budgeted amount it carries it straight into the accelerator (snowball).

NOW ALL I NEED IS MORE MONEY TO PAY OFF DEBT

Paid some more off my CC3 today - feeling good about that.

Waiting for my work expenses to be reimbursed for July (I did them late) and for August (can finalise them on the 31 August) then I can reduce the CC3 balance more

I am feeling kinda weird at the moment all I think about is "how can I earn more money to pay off debt" or "nope, I am not buying that it is a luxury or a want" - I NEVER used to think like this, very different.

Better get back to work...

After all my debating the Cable TV decision was made for me.

We have huge electrical storms here - lots of lightning and thunder - can you see where this is going?

The satellite dish was hit by lightning on Saturday night

To have it fixed will cost about $120 and then who knows how long until the next storm - decided that we could survive without it so I cancelled our subscription today.

Okay so unwilling savings: $60 per month on the subscription - am going to put it into the EMF tomorrow.

New balance on EMF: $80 (I am having a good laugh here)

I did it, I did it, I did it - 200 days of no gambling.

For those of you who don't think addictions exist, from my heart I can tell you it DOES and it is soul destroying. Addictions eat away at the very essence of you and leave you empty until the next fix.

I am so proud of myself - sorry but this time I am doing the praising

I can't tell you how exciting my life now looks (even with the huge debt balance). Every day I give thanks that I have been Blessed with the opportunity to make things right in my life and for the Grace of forgiveness...

Sorry this is so soppy but honest...

To celebrate I am taking the afternoon off. My reward - I am going to read my book and have a snooze just because I can - oh the simple things that we forget about when we are caught up in the throes of addiction....

Feeling much better today - sorry about the rambling yesterday, very boring for those reading my journal.

THANKS for all the encouragement and comments on my last couple of entries.

I used to have a journal here a couple of years ago but used a login name that was similar to my business name and was concerned that my clients may do a name search and link into the journal. Jeff very kindly deleted all those entries and I was able to start again.

The difference between then and now is that I hadn't accepted that I have/had a gambling addiction so the money saving entries were more a matter of survival than really saving money.

Wow I have come a long way...

What I did today to save money:
1. Baked while I was cooking dinner:
- Baked muffins for freezing - used ingredients from the pantry
- Made choc-chip cookies for the cookie jar
2. Almost finished DD's second skirt - made from my stash of fabrics

Now I am off to bed...

There is a saying that "there is nothing like the pressure we place on ourselves". Think that is my problem at the moment...

If someone were to ask if I was doing everything possible to get out of debt I would have to admit "nearly everything".

Areas I need to still sort out:
1. Cancel cable TV = $55 savings. Having a tough time with this one - I love cable TV and have the TV on while I am sewing. I don't ever just sit and do nothing in front of the TV. Think I am going to give it one more month and see if I can cover the cost through my sewing orders/income/clothes savings etc.

2. Garage Sale - still need to price things. Money from this is going to my EMF

3. Medical insurance - the cost of the insurance will balance out with what I am currently paying for Dr/Dentist/Meds etc. BUT more importantly I will have the peace of mind that we have it.

4. CC3 - used it again during August just to get through the month for absolute necessities ie groceries, gas.
Need to get my income up to cover this with cash.

Progress I have made:
1. Baking & cooking from scratch - no take outs during August

2. Used up leftovers

3. Selling clothes I no longer wear

4. Sold Timeshare - that is a big one

5. No office supplies bought at all

Sorry I needed to ramble... see you tommorrow